I Won't Tear you Down
by POIphantomgirl
Summary: John and Joss have their first fight and their stubborn wills clash. Don't own POI.


_So this is a one shot- you can say it fits in with my series that started with Call in the Darkness and follows the, if Joss had lived, story line. Each year I see Valentine stories and always think too late to write one. So although this isn't Valentine's Day focused it is full of love. It takes place after John and joss are married and have just had their first fight. Hope you enjoy._ _J_

Stubborn.

He knew it was a quality she possessed in abundance. He knew that when he married her. He knew they would butt heads with his tactics and that they wouldn't always see eye to eye. They fit well together but in their own rights they were still opposites. But tonight…. Tonight she had gone over the top.

He suppressed a groan and resisted the urge to shift uncomfortably. He was not going to give Joss the satisfaction of knowing he was restless. Not when this was her fault. They had been married for months. An argument was bound to happen sooner or later. Love equaled dedication, not ignorance. He and Joss had had their spouts before they were married, a ring wasn't going to change that forever. But tonight the argument went deeper than it had before.

It was because they were stuck together. If they disagreed in the past he would leave, or she would leave. They would go an hour or a few days not talking and just think. Then whoever was wrong finally owned up or they compromised. But they were married. There was no leaving and hours of quiet away from each other. Nope, John simply decided to stop arguing and just let the anger and rage speak with the silence. And that anger spoke loudly in that silence. Throughout the night they moved around each other, made ready for sleep, and lay down in the same bed without saying another word to each other.

So there they lay, beneath the covers a distinct space resting between them. Keeping them divided.

This was the first night they were going to go to sleep without being close to each other.

John pushed that thought from his mind. This really was her fault. He could own up when he was wrong but he wasn't going to apologize. He wasn't going to make the first step in order for them to make up. This time it was up to her. Tonight _he_ was going to stubborn. She didn't understand what he went through every day. How he worried about her.

Didn't she realize, his life began again after she stepped into his life? She had been the glue keeping him together and giving him the drive to go on. To believe he could still do some good in this world. She had faith in him, when she had no reason to. If he lost her he would lose his mind. But she continued to be careless with her life. He didn't think of her as a selfish person, but when it came to her job and her duty she could be. She didn't think about what her death would do to him. Or to Taylor. It would destroy them.

 _"_ _You have a double standard! I have to be careful. I have to avoid danger, but you. No! You get to dodge bullets all day and run around pretending you're invincible and I'm supposed to just be the dutiful wife and let you, without saying a word. I agreed to marry YOU John! Not your ego. Sometimes I think this job is just some way for you to still feel young. Well guess what. You're not young anymore. And something can happen to you too."_

Ok this time he shifted as her words from earlier came back to him. Hopefully she wouldn't notice since his back was to her. It wasn't a double standard. He wanted her safe and protected. There was nothing wrong with that. Besides he had been in the army, the CIA, and now was working for Finch. He had been shot multiple times and always survived.

But who was to say if the next shot would be the one that ended it all? Joss had no way of knowing. For that matter neither did he. He _wasn't_ as young as he used to be. He wouldn't be able to dodge the bullets forever.

But that didn't justify her saying what she said to him. Or calling him what she did. Even now she was still being spiteful. Intentionally sleeping on her side facing away from him. And she threw on her night scarf. She wore it sometimes, but they had purchased silk pillow cases so she could sleep more without having to wear it. But tonight she pulled it out and he knew it was to annoy him. He laughed inwardly. Well she made one oversight. He didn't mind her head wrap. Sure he hadn't seen any woman wear one until he married her, but he still thought she looked good even with it on. Nobody made the scarf look good the way she did. She could be a model for night scarves

He was missing her in his arms. Sleep didn't come easily when she wasn't. He clenched his teeth. He couldn't get weak. She was going to be the first one to break. She was going to have to realize that he needed her. She had more influence on him than anyone else and he would do whatever she asked, but this one thing, he needed her to do this for _him_. He needed her to change some of her tactics so he had a better chance of having several years with her as his wife instead of a few days.

But was he giving her that same guarantee?

He sighed. Maybe he did have a double standard. Okay so maybe Joss hadn't gone through some of the horrid experiences he had. She hadn't served in the CIA and hadn't been torn from her family, but that didn't mean she hadn't experienced pain. She had already lost one man she loved. He knew she didn't want to lose another. But she had been patient. Letting him continue to help Harold and offering support even though she knew the risks involved. However, instead of taking precautions he continued to be reckless, but when she was reckless, he called her selfish and unreasonable.

Maybe she wasn't entirely wrong. He wasn't independent anymore. He had a wife to think about. And Taylor. If he died, where would that leave them? After they finally learned to be a family. John scratched his head.

Right now he had a very cold bed that should be warm. Time was too short for him to spend his days arguing with the woman he wanted to spend his days loving. He didn't care if it wounded his pride. He was going to make the first step. Slowly he rolled over her.

….

Narrow minded

She loved him. He knew she did. But really? If he thought for one minute she was going to sit back and let him run some chauvinist attitude on her, he was twisted. She was not going to take it. Even if he was going to give her the silent treatment. That was fine! She could live with it. He _wasn't_ getting an apology out of her.

John was a very giving man. With a big heart. Even though he came across as some cold killer she knew the man that was beneath the persona. But for a man who could be so giving and so selfless how could he be so blind? This was not the fifties. She would support her man and she would stand by his side, but she was not going to let him tell her she couldn't take risks for her job when he took risks all the time for his. They had the same motive: to help people. They had the same drive: to always fight for good. They both had the same to lose.

If he died she would be alone again. He didn't understand how long it took her to really lean on him. She stood on her own two feet. But when John came into her life, she slowly let go of some of that control. She let herself be vulnerable again and lean on his strength. Did he understand how losing him would devastate her? She would be right back where she started. And what about Taylor? He loved John too. Losing him would be like when Paul first walked out of their lives. A piece would always be missing.

But no! John wanted to be like some immature teenager. Instead of owning up to his own foolishness he just wanted to call _her_ out. Hmph. What happened to the loving man with the big heart? And then he called her selfish. Her of all people. Not to brag, but she was giving. She always did for others. On the top of that list, of others she always did for, was the man lying next to her.

And that same man had the nerve to result to name calling tonight. Name calling! Really! She pulled her pillow closer. And then he gave her the silent treatment. The man was in his forties. He needed to act like it.

She tugged on her head wrap. _He's not the only one acting immature._

Her hand stilled. Why had she put on her head wrap? The silk pillow case meant she didn't always have to. Okay fine maybe she put in on out of spite. She intentionally wanted to look …not so pretty. She wanted to John to feel the rage when he lay his head down to sleep for the night. And see it too.

Alright maybe that was a little immature on her part, but in her defense it wasn't like she tied it up like the Aunt Jamima image. She put the knot off to the side in the back, so if anything it looked more fashionable, and not so ugly-night-in. It wasn't even one of the old fashion nineties cotton ones. But it was black satin.

 _"_ _Yes you are selfish. I already watched you die once. I don't want to go through that again. You had a husband with PTSD. Do you want to bring me to that? I CAN'T lose you. Why can't you get that? It took me this long to want a family and now that I have one I don't want anything to happen to it. But you are being too selfish to care about where your death would leave me. You've had a family for years, I have had one for a few months. With one slip you can ruin that!"_

His words had hurt. That was the reason she was being so spiteful. He never spoke to her in anger like he had tonight. He was always in control, but her close call today made him snap and lose his filter. She knew he was angry and probably would by morning regret what he had said to her, if didn't regret it already.

She didn't want to be selfish. She didn't want him to think that she was. Even if he regretted what he said, was that what he really thought? How he really felt?

She did care about him. She did think about what her untimely death would do to him. Maybe she had been insensitive. He was vulnerable. And when it came to having a family, and having a wife, he was like a child. It was new and they were taking baby steps daily. He had let her in and taken the risk. It was a miracle God had kept his mind this long. It had taken a war to nearly destroy Paul. John had experienced war and much more fighting for a much longer period of time, but he was still able to go on from day to day. She didn't want to destroy him. God gave her this man to build up. To help put him back together.

She swallowed uneasily.

How many times has she really asked him to tone it down when working? She couldn't recall ever asking. She just assumed he would be cautious since he now had her. He might have been a little narrow minded, but she hadn't really given him the fair chance to prove himself. Besides she had had closer calls than John. She suffered a bullet to the chest and it was only by God's grace that she survived. John had taken many bullets and was back up and running in a just a few weeks. Maybe there was a part of him that was invincible.

No matter, she loved him. And she wanted him to know that she _did_ think about him and didn't want to hurt him. She was going to have to swallow her pride. Because there was no way she was going to sleep without making peace with her husband and getting her kiss goodnight.

Slowly Joss rolled over.

…..

They turned at the same moment. In the darkness they stared at each other. The rage and stubbornness gone. They were open and vulnerable. Simultaneously they moved closer, the space between them was eaten up as the entangled themselves in each other's arms. For the first time all night they both relaxed. Joss buried herself into John's chest even as he tucked her closer under his chin.

She rubbed his back comfortingly. "I'm sorry." She whispered.

"No. I'm sorry. You were right. I do expect you to be careful, but I don't hold myself to the same standard."

"It's not like I ever told you I was worried." She leaned back to look in his face. "I know you don't do what you do to for selfish reasons. This isn't some male pride thing. You're all heart."

He cupped her cheek. "But you were right. I have a family now. I need to start thinking about you and Taylor more. It's easy for me to forget."

"But I'm not the one who saw you bleed out on a sidewalk. I don't want to destroy you John."

"We both have something to lose. I'm not the only one who has experienced hurt. I'm sorry I didn't realize that sooner."

Turning her head she kissed his palm then gripped his wrist keeping his hand against her cheek. "I'll be more careful. I promise. I'm not going to be the one to tear you down."

He kissed her brow tenderly. "And I'll be more careful too. I'm not going to leave you alone."

This time he lowered his head kissing her mouth. Joss kissed him back eagerly letting him know all was forgiven. His thumb stroked her jaw then he slowly pulled away. Joss snuggled further against him closing her eyes. They settled beneath the covers and in minutes were fast asleep.


End file.
